Smokies Light

Now that I've quit my job, naturally thoughts turn to starting my own business rather than slaving for someone else again. (I'll have to make it to at least 2010 when I expect to be elected to Congress.) Over a beer the other day, a friend was telling me about her experiences with eHarmony.com, and lo and behold, an idea for a new web-based business was born right there in the bar (and after downing a few). Based on the theory of opposites attract, and because magnetic poles with opposite polarization attract while the same repels, and because losers in prison seem to win the hearts of women everywhere, I'm thinking of starting up www.mismatch.com or www.eDiscord.com. Customers will fill out questionnaires and personality profiles of themselves, and with some high-tech analysis (MS Excel), the site will automatically bring together people who, in theory, should hate each other. I really think this has potential. There's nothing more boring than hanging out with someone with the same interests and outlook on life if you ask me. This idea was born a few days ago and today I get an email with dysfunctional Hallmark cards posted below. I think it's a sign to proceed.

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now
that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) I've changed my mind

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) That you're not here to ruin it for me

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it
again.

5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) What do you say we stop?

9.I'm so miserable without you..
(Inside card) It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only
one life jacket...
(Inside card) I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama , Mississippi , and Arkansas and certain areas of the
Carolinas )

14.Looking back over the years we were together,I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) Too bad no one likes your wife